I'm going to change gears a bit and change the perspective of my blog. I've noticed that I am obsessed with analyzing and complaining about my life and the way it all turned out. But that is not helping me one bit. Everytime I start to feel better, I pull myself right back down. I let someone 600 miles away dictate my moods and how I see myself. I am too strong to let that keep happening.
So starting today and going forward, I am focusing on myself. I'm going to toss all my drafts where I bash my ex and or rehash shit I can't change. This is the day I start fresh. This is the day I start my life.
I am so much more than how my ex defined me. I am so much more than a pathetic woman pining over a man who no longer wants me. I may not have made the decision to leave but I can decide today to enjoy the gift I was given. I am free to pursue my wildest dreams, to have only the people in my life who lift me up, and to make life the way I want it.
I should be running towards this life, not hiding from it. I have always been the stronger one of my previous coupling, the motivated one, the ambitious one, the successful one. I can be whatever I want to be. I can be an amazing role model for my kids if I can just stop letting someone else determine my happiness.
Why have I fought so hard to be unhappy? Why am I my worst critic? Why have I been faking my way through life? You know what? It doesn't matter. My past is my past, ain't no way of changing it. Maybe I need some symbolic gesture to mark the death of my old life and old self. Time to get the creative juices flowing? Any suggestions?